Does It Get Easier?

I think that some days I must be dreaming. That it is all a really bad dream. I look up at the sky and think "Is my daddy really up there and not down here with me." I just want to go on a field trip up to heaven and see him one more time; I just don't think that I can wait until it is my time to "go home." That seems like forever from now until I can see him again. How do I live life without the man that has been my everything for my whole life...how his arms held me and gave me strength; how he listened, loved, and defended me in everything that I did.
My mom says that I should be strong and not selfish because he is in a place where there is no more suffering and pain. I am very thankful for that; however, on the other hand I want him here with me, so I am going to be a little bit selfish. I know that this is not goodbye but that we are just going our separate ways right now. I am happy for you, Daddy because you are living your life with God now; walking, talking, and thinking on your own.
Everyone keeps telling me to think and remember the memories that I shared with him (gosh I have 30 years of them) but thinking of them just keeps the tears flowing and the pain near. Does the pain ever go away? However, I am afraid that if I don't think and remember the memories that I shared with him then I will forget him and I am terrified of that. So, bring on the pain and tears. He was such a loving and giving person (son, husband, father, grandfather, and friend) that I hope that I bring Christian up to be just like him...a loving and giving son, husband, father, grandfather, and friend.
Thank you God for giving me the most precious gift...My Daddy! I wish that there was a different plan for him but I know that he is doing something wonderful for you up in heaven. I just can't wait to see what it is. I know that he is looking over us and anytime I see a butterfly flying by I will know that it is him. I love you daddy and I will always remember "Butterfly Kisses".

Butterfly Kisses
By: Bob Carlisle
There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank God for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;
"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.