I woke up Wednesday morning ready to celebrate something that I know you would have told me "it's just another day." That is what you always told me when I said happy birthday to you. However, this birthday was a whole lot different.
I woke up with a little sting and whole in my heart because you were missing from our birthday celebration. I miss you and think about you every day, especially when a song comes on or I look at pictures; however, I do feel like I am getting a little bit stronger each day. You would be happy about that because I know that you would not want me to waste a single tear or minute being depressed. You would want me to live my life to its fullest.
I know that things will never be the same in my life without you here to watch me flourish as a wife and mother, but I am telling myself that it will be okay because I will get to be with you again forever in God's kingdom. I sometimes have to remind myself that everyday because when I think about you not being here it just does not seem real. I have to process the moments and events in order for it to come to life. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Will this feeling every go away daddy?
I keep waiting for the day that I can talk to you and see you again in my dreams. There was so much that I wanted to tell you that I now tell you through talks in the car, quiet moments, etc. I just want a moment when I can hug you, kiss you, and tell you in person all that I want to, especially I love you and I am sorry for all the heartache that I caused when I was younger and growing up. However, I know you still loved me for all my good and bad. Let's just call that my "learning" phase.
So, happy birthday daddy. I love you and miss you dearly. I know you are looking down on me and my family each and every day. I miss you greatly and I hope that I am making you proud in everything that I do, even though I know sometime you want to say DONNA KAY BAILEY!
Butterfly Kisses,
Donna
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