Oh, It's Hard

So, Sunday was my first Father's Day without Daddy. It was really hard. Of course, I was having a great time with Shaun and Christian but in the back of my mind I was thinking of daddy. Thinking about all the other Father's Days that I have spent with him but most of all last year's Father's Day.

The reason that last year's Father's Day is so fresh in my head is because we were given a suggestion at church to write a letter to our Father's. I was to tell him him how much I appreciate him, how much I am sorry for all I did growing up, how much I love him, etc. It was a tearful mess. It was a tearful mess because I understood what I was saying but I am not so sure he understood (I know he knows what I was trying to say that day now).

I know that I am never alone with him. I know that he is always with me. I know that he is in every beat of my heart even when I face struggles, challenges,- and the unknown. I know that his love will always follow me and stay with me...it is never goodbye. It is only see you later (as Christian would say).

However, sometimes I feel that I am losing him. I can't do that already right...it's too soon? I want to remember the good times with him and the fun memories; however, sometimes those are slipping away. Alot of the times I think about him in the nursing home or in the coffin and those are NOT the memories I want of him. So, I thought that I would make a memory post of him and I for Father's Day. Of course, my brain will not allow me to remember all the wonderful memories/times that Daddy and I shared together. So, as I think of them I will add too it. When I feel him slipping away or want to share memories with Christian (or my other children) I will return to this post.

• I was named after my daddy...Donna for Don.
  
  


• My first word was Da Da.




• Daddy helped me distroy my 1st birthday cake. I was unsure and did not know what to do so he finally just put my hand in the cake.




• People always told me that I looked him when I was growing up.




• We both had a BIG love for Carolina football. Tailgating was the most fun (starting tailgating and going to games when I was about 4 years old...still go to this day).




• He was my softball coach when I played little league.




• He use to get on me when I came off the base to catch the ball at first base. He wanted me to do a split (I was a gymnast) to catch that ball. No excuses for coming off that base. SMILE!


• Whenever I needed/wanted something (money, spend the night, a toy, etc.), I would go and sit on his lap and give him a big hug and say "daddy I love you." He would then look at me and say "what do you want."




• He was there to tell my first date that he was a BIG, mean, son of a ________ and to have me home by 10:00.




• He was there when my first date brought me home at 10:05...it was not a pretty sight. SMILE!




• He was my cheerleader when I placed second in the Lexington High School pagent. He was so proud/excited of/for me.


• After a long day at work, I was always there to give him a back massage.




• He danced (slow and shagged) with me at all the weddings that we went to. My favorite moments.




• He danced with me at my high school graduation party to "Butterfly Kisses". It was a BIG surprise...right in the middle of our backyard, in the middle of the volleyball game.



• He was always there to kill those spiders (indoors and outdoors) for me.




• He was there to watch me walk across the stage to get my high school diploma.




• He was there when I cried on his shoulder and told him that I was sooooooo ready to find the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He told me I would and to just give it time. A few months later, I found Shaun.




• He was there to watch me graduate from college to get my undergrad.




• He was there when Shaun asked for my hand in marriage. He could not have been happier. He always like Shaun.




• He was there to walk me down the aisle and dance with me to "Butterfly Kisses."




• During our dance he asked me if I was happy. I told him I couldn't be more happier. He told me, if I was happy...he was happy.




• "Butterfly Kisses" is our song.




• He was always there to cheer me on in all the things that I did throughout my life.




• He was there to hold Christian when he was born.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living,

My baby you'll be.