One Year Ago Today

I can't believe that it has been a year ago. I'll never forget that day. However, it is just as hard today as it was then. The pain, the memories, the unsureness, the sadness, etc. are all still there. The hurt is still the same. I still feel the same way that I did Oct. 2nd 2010.

I think about daddy ALL the time. When I look at pictures, my mind wonders to that particular day and I just can't believe that he is not here with me to share in that memory. Then I think back to the week of Oct. 2nd and how I felt that whole week. I felt and still feel so bottomless and lonely at times. Some days are stronger than others. I just want him back here with me again so I can tell him so many things that I did not get to tell him when he was here.

So many images come to my mind when I talk about daddy because with out him in my life things just are not the same. If I could just turn back time and hear his voice one more time (Donna Kay Bailey), I would certainly tell him that he has been the best dad ever and he would still be my choice (hand down). I would tell him that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for all that I put him through and did (this haunts me every day because I did not get to tell him in person). I was not the best, but I know that daddy knows I had so much respect for him.

I feel that sometimes I have shut a private door in my life related to feelings. This way I don't have to let a lot of people in and go through this hurt with them. I also don't have to talk about it with a lot of people...I just keep it in...deep, deep down. I wish that I did not feel this way. I wish that I was strong like my daddy. This might not be a life skill I got from him but I was always his little girl and always will be...here and at home in Heaven.

Years may come and go but your memories will never be erased. As for now I will just have to adore/love you from afar. I love you daddy now just as I did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and the day before that, etc. We all miss you GREATLY and can't wait to see you again at home in Heaven. I love you Daddy!