Do You Ever Wonder?

Do you ever look at other people's lives and wonder how they do it?

Do you ever look at another person and think "if only I could be like them?"

Do you ever look at another person and wonder how they became so strong?

Well, I have been having those feelings since Saturday. You see, on Saturday we had a great family friend passes away. It was certainly bittersweet and I know that she is in heaven dancing and singing. She is in no more pain and her body is right where her mind is.

Let me take a step back and tell you why I am feeling the way that I am. What amazing people our family friends are. They are some of the strongest people I have ever met. I have known them since I was about 9 or 10 years old. Ever since I have known them, Ms. Katie (the mom) has had MS (multiple sclerosis). She never let her disease stop her from doing what she wanted to do and she would never want anyone to dwell on her disease. About 10 years ago, she moved in with her eldest daughter, her husband, and their two children. What a commitment right?

Well, for most people it would have been a huge commitment, but not for Laura or Meredith. They were ready for the challenge. As the years took a toll on Ms. Katie's body, they learned to adapt those changes to their lives and keep moving forward. This is what family-togetherness and together through sickness and health is all about.

I realized this on Saturday and today at the funeral--family-togetherness and together through sickness and health. I also realized that I am a terrible daughter. My father has been living in a nursing home for some time now and I have only been half (if that) the person to him as Laura and Meredith were to their mother. How awful of me because I have not adapted to his changes and moved forward?

Adapt to her changes and keep moving forward? That is an everyday struggle for me with daddy. I know, he is my daddy and I love him dearly--with all of my heart and everything that I have. I am his little girl. However, when I look at him I don't see my father anymore. I see another person. He looks like my father but his actions, mannerisms, personality, etc. is not the father that I have know for all my life. However, this should not stop me from trying to adapt to his changes. I must adapt to his changes because he can not adapt to mine.

How do I do it? How do I become that strong person? How do I manage all the things in my life? I do adapt to his changes and still be that daughter that is right there for him when he needs that extra hand. I feel so selfish and selfless right now. It was really brought to my attention today. My father has been there for me since October 8, 1979 so it is my turn to be there for him.

I am here for you Daddy. I love you and butterfly kisses.